By: Samuel Pimping
Whoever said love and science don’t go hand in hand together? This season of romance, we’ll expose a few old wives’ tales on the ageless topic of affection and intimacy.
Sound reasoning does not do away with human emotion; rather, it considers the latter as part of the equation. To acknowledge that we are vulnerable to the musings of the heart—that is the essence of true logic.
With this in mind, let’s debunk a few societal misconceptions on love and life!
MYTH: Men are naturally polygamous.
FACT: Men are decidedly polygamous.
Kuwentong Barbero o Kuwentong Babaero? Masculine promiscuity being “the norm” is a widely held belief. In more patriarchal communities, it’s even used as a reason that supposedly justifies having multiple partners despite being in a relationship.
Their claim? Biologically speaking, men have a higher sex drive and are designed to be with multiple partners to spread their seed—somehow relieving part of their responsibility to remain loyal to their partner.
However, it’s been established that this claim has no proper scientific basis at all. Although only a few mammal species (3% to 5%) including humans tend toward monogamy, culture is a crucial factor exclusive to humans that must be considered.
We are animals as well, but over thousands of years, humans have tended towards monogamy as a social norm because it works best. A monogamous relationship is a direct exercise of fidelity and empathy, traits that are unique to mankind and have enabled us to maintain a greater sense of belongingness and community crucial to our survival as a race.
Genetic factors are no excuse for adultery. Every one of us is shaped by a complex mix of biological and cultural factors. Therefore, polygamy is a machination of human will and cannot be rationalized as an innate tendency.
MYTH: “Gayuma” or love potions exist.
FACT: Love potions aren’t real, but aphrodisiacs are!
If you want to make your target fall hopelessly in love with you, then you might be seeking the elusive Gayuma. But if you’re looking for something a bit more realistic, aphrodisiacs might be the second best thing!
Aphrodisiacs are foods or substances that enhance sexual behavior and increase pleasure and performance. They are still under scientific debate and won’t make anyone desire you in a snap, but there are scientifically backed aphrodisiacs with a positive effect.
In this case, herbs and natural substances are more reliable with less likelihood of side effects. Pistachio nuts, saffron, red ginseng, and ginkgo biloba are a few of many items that have some form of scientific backing, and there are plenty more herbal aphrodisiacs that are currently being studied. Of course, more research is needed, and as with anything, caution and moderation are highly advised.
MYTH: Virginity has physical markers.
FACT: Virginity cannot be physically detected and is merely a social construct.
It is widely believed that a woman’s hymen breaks when penetrated for the first time. In 2023, a woman in Miami stated that she didn’t like how she lost her virginity in the past. This is why she spent $10,000 to undergo a hymen reconstruction surgery to “symbolically” restore her chastity.
However, the idea that the hymen remains intact until vaginal penetration is misinformation. This stretchy, excess tissue is, by no means, a physical marker of one’s virginity. Some women are born with very little or even no hymen at all, and this is why some bleed from their first time and some don’t. Furthermore, tampons, ultrasounds, and even strenuous activity can wear it down over time.
Ask any doctor, and they will tell you that virginity is not a concept recognized in the scientific or medical field. It is a social construct or a mere product of human culture that has no way of being proven empirically.
MYTH: Love at first sight? No such thing.
FACT: Yes, it can happen!
Imagine this: on a regular, busy day, you come across swarms of people that you wouldn’t even give a moment’s notice. You keep on walking, walking, walking… then bam! It just happens. You lock eyes with each other and feel something magnetic. It’s that “someone” in the crowd, and you can’t deny it—the unmistakable, magical, and captivating sensation of love at first sight.
Killjoys will say it isn’t true. Well, they’re wrong! (At least in part). Hopeless romantics can rejoice knowing that the phenomenon, to some extent, is real. A 2017 study with staged romantic partner meetings for 400 men and women revealed that a few of the respondents reported love at first sight.
That said, those feelings of love were associated more with infatuation or attraction as the respondents did not indicate feeling high levels of passion, intimacy, or commitment—the three key characteristics in Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. Put simply, they did experience it, but in a form that does not match the kind that long-term romantic partners have felt throughout the years together.
Nevertheless, when mere attraction evolves into a love that lasts decades, that is the kind of warmth that turns fairy tales into reality.
MYTH: All romantic attraction eventually fades to some extent.
FACT: True love can last decades.
There’s the marvelous honeymoon phase at the beginning of a relationship where everything seems so right and dandy, and then there’s the infamous seven-year itch—an iconic belief that long-term romantic relationships tend to falter around the seventh year. True enough, it is common sense that if couples don’t keep it fresh, stagnation is inevitable.
But what does research have to say about this? The results of a 2011 study on long-term intense romantic love, where respondents were married for an average of 21.4 years, suggest that it is possible for one to have the same feelings of desire and motivation with their partner similar to when they first fell in love. The difference is that there were no longer feelings of obsession or anxiety associated with discovering romance for the first time.
Cheesy as data can be, this implies that with commitment, love can indeed last for a lifetime without fading—only changing into something more steady and genuine over the years.
MYTH: Opposites attract.
FACT: You’re more likely to love someone similar to you!
Don’t get us wrong! Just like magnets, opposites can still attract. It’s just that research has proven that people with shared interests, values, and personalities are much more likely to be attracted to each other. Bahn, a psychology professor, observed in the 2017 study she conducted that similarity between pairs was statistically significant among 86% of the measured variables.
The idea that opposites attract has been perpetuated in romantic films—the sweet-girl-ends-up-with-tough-guy trope, for instance. In actuality, even if a couple does have polarizing interests, they tend to have key similarities and core values that serve as an anchor for their relationship to rely upon.
MYTH: Once you meet your soulmate, you will feel complete.
FACT: You decide what makes you complete.
Lastly, we have the science of the soul. Soulmates are a beautiful concept, but the belief of the perfect, ideal partner for every individual may do more harm than good in some cases. Hence, the existence of the so-called soulmate trap.
The crucial detail lies in one’s definition of a “soulmate.” Putting one’s faith in true destiny can lead to disappointments, and in the worst cases, it can result in never finding your soulmate. However, in grounding yourself and believing that love may take time to flourish, you’ll discover that a soulmate can even be found in the people you’ve already known.
You decide what a soulmate exactly is, and how they would complete you. But in the end, you also get to decide what makes you complete, whether it be a partner, family and friends, or the fulfillment of your own ambitions. In any case, love comes not only from other people—but also from yourself.
From an iconic scene from The Perks of Being a Wallflower,
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Have a fantastic February, everyone!
