LIFE’S LESSONS
By Henrylito D. Tacio
“The family is the first essential cell of human society.” – Pope John XXIII
***
My mother, Saturnina, remembered it well. It was as if it just happened yesterday. When their father died, her mother had a hard time raising the four children, all girls. My mother was the third.
Then, one time, their mother got very sick. She didn’t have money to go to a hospital. She seemed to know that her life on earth was numbered. She decided to give away her four children.
My mother never knew what was happening. She was given to a couple, who had no kids and had a business. The three others were given to other well-to-do families. At first, it was hard for the children. It was harder when they learned their mother passed away.
It came to pass that my mother’s adoptive parents went to Bansalan, Davao del Sur, where they settled. She was only five years old at that time and she couldn’t remember anything after that. She had never heard of her three other sisters since then.
My mother got married to a mechanic, Generoso, whom she met in the restaurant as he and the bus driver and the conductor ate there for their lunch. At first, he befriended her and then courted her.
The two fell in love with each other and got married later. Then, they had children every other year. I first came, then Evangeline, Gerry, Elena, Generoso, Jr., Avednigo, Jeannyline, Marilou, and finally Arman.
My mother took care of us diligently. But there were times at night that I saw her crying. When I asked why, she replied that she remembered her sisters. She didn’t know whatever happened to them.
Two times, she went back to Zamboanga, where she was born, hoping to find her other sisters. But people there never knew who she was talking about. Her hope completely fizzled out. She may die not seeing her other sisters.
It came to pass that my sister Evangeline made a Facebook account using my mother’s name when she was still single. The said account came to the attention of one of the children of one of the sisters of my mother. They are now living in Metro Manila. She contacted one of my sisters, Marilou, who is living in the United States.
The two inquired trying to patch up things if my mother was the long-lost sister of their mother. And yes, my mother and their mother are indeed siblings. Before the year ended last year, the two finally met each other. More than 60 years after they saw each other the last time.
“Family is not an important thing,” Hollywood actor Michael J. Fox once said. “It’s everything.” To which Oscar winner Jamie Lee Curtis responded, “I’ve always put my family first and that’s just the way it is.”
Family is forever. It is the sort of the place where you can be comfortable and not be questioned. Even if you neglect them, you are still part of them. “When everything goes to hell,” said Jim Butcher, author of Proven Guilty, “the people who stand by you without flinching – they are your family.”
That’s why family is very important. As Alex Haley, author of The Roots, puts it: “In every conceivable manner, the family is the link to our past, bridge to our future.”
Nhat Hanh also said, “If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive at this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”
As members of the family, all of you must work together. Otherwise, all of you won’t go far. “If the family were a boat,” Letty Cottin Pogrebin wrote, “it would be a canoe that makes no progress unless everyone paddles.”
American motivational speaker Jim Rohn suggested, “Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.”
After all, it is at home where we learn almost everything about life. Home is not a place but the people living in it. In Golden Son, Pierce Brown wrote: “Home isn’t where you’re from, it’s where you find light when all grows dark.”
British Prime Minister Winston Churchill said it right, “There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of humans, are created, strengthened, and maintained.”
American politician Brad Henry agreed. “Families are the compass that guide us,” he said. “They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter.”
C. JoyBell C. said there is no such thing as a “broken family.” She explained, “Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.”
Perhaps, one of the qualities of a happy family is love, a tie that binds every member. Peter Buffet said it succinctly: “It didn’t matter how big our house was; it mattered that there was love in it.”
Before we end this piece, allow me to share an anecdote. The new neighbor struck up a conversation with a 7-year-old boy living next door. “How many siblings in your family?” he asked. The child answered, “Eight.”
“My, that many children must cost a lot of money,” said the neighbor. The boy replied, “Oh, my parents did not buy us. They raise us.”
Now, if we want this country to be great, leaders should pay attention to the family. Confucius said it before: “To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order; we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” – ###
