LIFE’S LESSONS
By Henrylito D. Tacio
“Do not be the judge of people; do not make assumptions about others. A person is destroyed by holding judgments about others.” – Gautama Buddha
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More often than not, we make assumptions from things we hear from others, read on social media, or see on the internet, and accept them all as true – without verification. How are we different from gossipers whose stories are full of hearsays, controversies, and lies?
The world is replete with stories of assumption. For instance, there are so many Filipinos who believe that because someone is working, or living abroad, he or she has lots of money. But those who assume this as true really don’t know the entire situation.
These people from abroad may come home, bringing a lot of pasalubong which they give out to families, neighbors, and friends. Unknown to many, those people from abroad also have to work double time to raise money for the trip and presents. Some of them even have to work two jobs, just to make ends meet.
There are also those who assume that a woman married to a rich man is lucky. Far from the truth. Some of them may actually be a prisoner to their husband’s whims. In some instances, the husband may even be a wife beater.
A tale of two classmates
Now, let me tell you a story which I got from social media. I really don’t know who wrote it but it was already shared several times, that I could not anymore trace who the author is. But the story tells us that we should not assume regarding the standing of other people.
They were classmates in college and they had not seen each other for about 30 years. When John (let’s call him that way, and he was the one who wrote the story) met William (his classmate) again, it was in a hotel lobby.
“He was looking simple,” John penned. “He wore plain, simple clothes. I felt touched.”
William walked up to John and was glad to see him again. “But deep within me I was not impressed with his social and financial status compared to mine, and poor me, I couldn’t hide it,” John said.
They exchanged contact details, and John could see the joy in William. “I told him I would drop him home in my brand new Range Rover and I pointed it out to him,” John said. “He declined, and said he had already called for his car. It looked old, a 2001 Honda Accord.”
John invited William the following day for lunch at his house. “A part of me wanted to impress him, to show off my success and affluence to him; while another part of me wanted to discuss opportunities and possibly help him,” John wrote.
William drove to Parkview where John lived. “He looked impressed with my home,” John said. “I had taken a heavy mortgage. In fact, I was heavily in debt. We had lunch. He told me he was into small businesses and particularly real estate. I brought up more business discussions, but he didn’t sound too interested. I asked him how I could help him. He said he was fine. I even told him if he was interested, I could help him secure some loans. He looked at me and smiled.”
William then invited John to his place. His old car fetched for him. “I was grateful to God for what I had,” John said. “I thought to myself. I was lucky. I worked in a good place.”
Two weeks later, John and his wife went to visit William in a remote area. Initially, thw wife Jessica was reluctant to go, because she was not impressed with William’s status as to warrant their visiting him in his house. But he convinced her that they were close friends in college.
They saw the estate. They asked for directions to his home. Those leading them spoke his name with deference.
“It was a simple but lovely home,” John said. “A four-bedroom bungalow. I saw four cars parked in front. We entered his home. It was simply elegant with a touch of class inside. He welcomed us warmly.”
Lunch was well served. During lunch, William asked about John’s boss. William said they were friends. “I saw a company gift on one of his tables nearby,” John said. “That company owned about 38% shares where I worked. I enquired from him about it. He smiled. He told me he owned the company. He also owned the estate.”
It was just a matter of time that John called William “Sir.” He recalled, “I was in awe of him too. I had learnt a lesson in humility, a big one. Appearances are deceptive. He noticed my discomfort.”
Driving back home, the couple became very quiet. “My wife was humbled, and started to be extremely calm,” John wrote. “I could perceive the thoughts in her mind. I looked at myself. Living on loans, heavy loans, and showing off while someone who pays my salary is quite modest and living a simple life.”
Do not assume, instead just ask
From now on, stop rating people based on their physical appearance, or even level of education. “Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make – bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake – if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble,” Lemony Snicket wrote in The Austere Academy.
“Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble,” Snicket further wrote.
He cited an example: “One morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place that it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it had floated out to sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you’d made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning.”
To stop from making assumptions, try to ask. Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, explained, “If others tell us something, we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something, we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don’t understand, we make assumptions about what it means, and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.” – ###
