“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.” – Paulo Coelho
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Let’s start this column with an anecdote recounted by Arthur Tonne. It pertains to a small-town busybody and gossip who observed that a local businessman had left his vehicle overnight outside the neighborhood pub.
The following day, she started the rumor that he had gone in and got so drunk that he could not walk home that night. Actually, the man’s car had broken down and he had not gone anywhere near the pub.
On hearing this slander, the man decided to teach this woman a lesson without saying a word. That night on the way from work, he parked his car right in front of the gossip’s house and left it there all night. People could now follow her example and think what they wanted.
The aforementioned anecdote exemplifies the tendency of the gossiping woman to make hasty judgments without truly understanding the facts. Consequently, she received a taste of her own medicine from the man she had defamed.
Who among us is not judgmental? At some point in our lives, we have all been judgmental, and we cannot guarantee that we will refrain from being judgmental in the future. After all, we are merely human and are prone to making mistakes and social blunders from time to time.
The term “judgment” has its roots in the Old French word jugement, which translates to “legal judgment” or “trial,” and can be traced back to the mid-13th century. It is derived from the Latin term iudicare, which means “to judge,” and is associated with the idea of making decisions or assessments. Over time, the term has developed to include both legal contexts and more general meanings associated with decision-making.
The Cambridge dictionary defines judgmental as an adjective word “that describes someone who is tending to form opinions too quickly, especially when disapproving of someone or something.” It can also mean “inclined to make judgments, especially moral or personal ones.” Other definitions include involving the use or exercise of judgment and giving to making or expressing unfavorable judgments about things.
“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others, we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are,” Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said.
“The most judgmental people are often those who complain most about being judged. The ones not complaining will look as though they’re the ones doing the judging,” Criss Jami pointed out.
Ellen J. Barrier has the same idea when she said, “Before you condemn someone else for a wrongful act, check your behavior and see if you too, have committed an act similar or even worse than the act that person has done. Then you won’t be in a position to judge.”
The Bible itself has given us an example. John 8:3-11 is often used by priests and pastors to teach people that all people in this world have committed sin. But it also tells us about the teachers of the Law and the Pharisees to be judgmental.
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now, what do you say?”
They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him; he straightened up and said to them, “If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Again, he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one sir,” she replied. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
“Judge not, that you be not judged,” the Bible reminds. “For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:1-5).
“It is human nature to judge others to some extent, yet even if we’re not overly sensitive, it’s upsetting when others are overly critical of us,” wrote Bonnie Marcus, an American executive coach, author and keynote speaker. “It’s hurtful and we feel the sting in life. It never seems constructive.”
An article in Psychology Today describes what it means to be judgmental: “Someone is being judgmental when their judgments are power-driven, unempathetic, based on their own idiosyncratic values or tastes, overly based on other people’s character, and are closed, shallow, and pessimistic, and ultimately have the consequence of making the other person feel problematically diminished.”
Why do people become judgmental? One reason is that they are too lazy to figure out things and analyze events better. As Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung puts it, “Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.”
Now, if you’re judgmental, you better watch out. Read the story below by Bruno Hagspiel:
A Florida man ordered a barometer by mail. When it arrived, he found the needle set during a hurricane (which is equivalent to a typhoon in the Philippines). He tapped the instrument, shook it, even pounded it – but to no avail.
Then, he threw it angrily into a corner and sat down and dashed off a blistering letter to the barometer company. He went down to the post office to mail it, and when he got back, the instrument had disappeared. So had his house.
To end this column allow me to quote Wayne Dyer. “When you are spiritually connected, you are not looking for occasions to be offended, and you are not judging and labeling others,” he said. “You are in a state of grace in which you know you are connected to God and thus free from the effects of anyone or anything external to yourself.”
