By Henrylito D. Tacio
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin
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Movie actor Fernando Poe, Jr. and leading actress Susan Roces first crossed paths on the set of Ang Daigdig Ko’y Ikaw. He pursued her affections, which she accepted. However, their relationship eventually ended.
They later reunited during an all-star basketball tournament, where Poe was the captain of one team and Roces served as a muse for another team. During their conversation, Poe promptly proposed marriage, stating, “Marry me now or let’s forget each other.”
Roces accepted his proposal. They eloped and were married in a civil ceremony in Valenzuela on December 16. On Christmas Day, they celebrated their union again with a wedding at the Santuario de San Jose in Greenhills, San Juan.
Their extravagant wedding was referred to as the “Wedding of the Century.” Their lasting relationship is regarded as one of the most remarkable love stories in Philippine pop culture, resulting in the adoption of a daughter, Grace Poe, who later became a senator.
Sharon Cuneta and Gabby Concepcion, both prominent figures in the entertainment industry, commenced their romantic relationship during the filming of their first successful movie, Dear Heart. They became romantically involved.
On September 23, 1984, they celebrated a lavish wedding at the Manila Cathedral. The wedding was notably attended by approximately 20,000 fans and required such extensive security that then-President Ferdinand Marcos participated as one of the wedding sponsors. The couple welcomed their daughter, KC Concepcion, in April 1985.
Merely three years after their extravagant wedding, the couple officially separated in August 1987. The courts annulled their marriage in 1993.
God initiated the first marriage and sanctified it! The Holy Bible stated that: “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” So said Barnett R. Brickner.
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy,” American president Lyndon B. Johnson disclosed. “First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.”
Marriage counselor James C. Dobson offers this advice: “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” In 1996’s The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, Mignon McLaughlin wrote: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
More advice. “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility,” George Levinger pointed out. Jerry McCant believes “you can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. Successful marriage demands a certain death to self.”
Remember the movie War of the Roses? Marriage should not be that way. Listen to the advice of Ogden Nash: “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup: Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”
Finding happiness in marriage? Go ahead! “All marriages are happy,” Raymond Hull declared. “It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” Nathaniel Hawthorne has this idea: “What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.”
Experts say that a successful marriage is founded on mutual respect, effective communication, and a collective dedication to navigating the challenges and joys of life together. It flourishes when both partners emphasize collaboration and individual development.
Marriage counselors identify the essential elements that uphold a lasting relationship as follows:
• Mutual respect: Appreciating your partner’s viewpoints, limits, and uniqueness, even in times of disagreement.
• Open communication: Clearly and kindly articulating your needs and emotions, without assuming your partner can read your mind.
• Shared values: Finding common ground on significant life objectives, including finances, child-rearing, and fundamental beliefs.
• Conflict resolution: Engaging in “fair” fights by refraining from name-calling and addressing challenges collaboratively instead of assigning blame.
• Quality time: Deliberately allocating time to connect, rejuvenate, and sustain romance despite hectic schedules.
• Forgiveness and patience: Recognizing that both partners will err and opting to extend grace rather than keeping a tally.
• Trust and loyalty: Establishing a dependable partnership where both spouses experience emotional security and support during life’s fluctuations.
• The 5:1 ratio: Researchers from the Gottman Institute have discovered that content and stable couples maintain a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every negative one.
• Shared goals and friendship: Sustaining a robust friendship, sharing laughter, and collaborating as a team to manage finances, household duties, and family matters.
Meanwhile, the Gottman Institute’s extensive research spanning over 40 years indicates that the “777 rule” is effective in sustaining marriages. This rule serves as a well-known framework aimed at reinforcing marital bonds and preventing couples from leading “parallel lives” filled with routine tasks and obligations.
The rule consists of three practical steps:
- Every 7 days: Schedule a date. This should involve dedicated, uninterrupted time for just the two of you, whether it’s a simple movie night at home or a coffee outing.
- Every 7 weeks: Plan an overnight getaway away from home.
- Every 7 months: Enjoy a longer, romantic vacation together to fully disconnect from daily life.
In a six-year study conducted by Gottman focusing on newlyweds, it was found that the couples who remained together were not necessarily those who went out more frequently. Instead, they were the ones who responded to each other’s bids for connection eighty-six percent of the time — whether in the kitchen, in the car, or on the couch.
Conversely, the couples who ended up divorcing had a response rate of only thirty-three percent. A bid refers to any small gesture aimed at connecting with your partner. This could be a sigh, a remark about current events, or a hand reaching across the table.
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