By Henrylito D. Tacio
“Flatter me, and I may not believe you,” William Arthur once wrote. “Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you.”
The above quotation came to mind after reading the story below sent to me by a friend via e-mail:
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn’t hear the band – he could see it. In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you,” she said.
“Giving encouragement to others is a most welcome gift, for the results of it are lifted spirits, increased self-worth, and a hopeful future,” observed Florence Littauer. Ovid reminded, “The spirited horse, which will try to win the race of its own accord, will run even faster if encouraged.”
“The finest gift you can give anyone is encouragement,” said Sidney Madwed. “Yet, almost no one gets the encouragement they need to grow to their full potential. If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond the wildest dreams. We would have more than one Einstein, Edison, Schweitzer, Mother Teresa, Dr. Salk and other great minds in a century.”
One sunny day, American priest Leonard Feeney was taking a walk in Ireland and he stopped to ask a farmer how far it was to Cork. “About half a mile down the road,” the farmer said. “And God bless you.”
He walked a half mile, and then another. Not until he walked 12 half-miles did he arrive at Cork. On his way back that same afternoon, he met the same Irishman. “What did you mean by telling me that Cork was only half a mile away,” he scolded him. “It was six miles.”
“Well,” he replied. “I gave you a half mile to Cork. That got you started. Somebody else gave you another half mile. That drove you a bit farther. In Ireland, we always want to soften the journey of a stranger by giving him little dribbles of encouragement.”
Anatole France stated, “Nine tenths of education is encouragement.” Tom Walsh knows this well. He shares, ““Something I realized a few years ago in one of those ‘Of course – I should have realized that all along!’ moments is that encouragement is absolutely free. It didn’t cost me a cent to give out, but its payoff is incredible. A brighter smile, improved performance on any sort of task, much more enjoyment in doing something – I see these in people constantly when I or someone else encourages them.
Walsh further states, “I often read stories by adults who have succeeded in life largely in part because just one person saw their potential and encouraged them when they were younger, and they have never forgotten those people or their words. Wouldn’t you love to feel that something like that would be possible with you as the person remembered? I know that I would, but unless I plant the seeds today, that sort of harvest will never come to pass.”
Encouraging a person involves making them feel acknowledged, competent, and less isolated. To achieve this effectively, prioritize active listening, recognize their efforts rather than solely the results, provide specific commendations, and offer practical assistance. Implement these actionable strategies to deliver meaningful support:
1. Acknowledge their feelings first: Prior to giving advice, recognize what they are experiencing. Assure them that it is acceptable to feel overwhelmed. Suggested phrases include: “I can see how much this is affecting you,” or “It is completely understandable that you are feeling this way.”
2. Provide specific commendations: Vague compliments may come across as insincere. Be precise about what you appreciate regarding their skills or work ethic. Suggested phrases include: “I am genuinely impressed by how you managed that issue,” or “Your commitment to this project is remarkably inspiring.”
3. Reframe with positivity: Encourage them to concentrate on their achievements instead of fixating on challenges. Remind them of their previous accomplishments to enhance their self-assurance. Suggested phrases include: “Consider how much progress you’ve made since the beginning,” or “You are performing better than you realize.”
4. Provide tangible support: At times, actions can convey more than words. Inquire about how you can alleviate some of their burdens. Suggested phrases include: “How can I assist in lightening your load by doing…?” or “Allow me to bring dinner so you can relax and not worry about cooking.”
5. Simply be present: Assure them that they have unwavering support regardless of the circumstances. Suggested phrases include: “I am here for you,” or “You are capable of this, and I am supporting you wholeheartedly.”
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